One Headlight

Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees- "One Headlight," The Wallflowers

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' accidental like on breeze." Maybe its both?" - Forrest Gump

This past week, I had found out that one of my former classmates had passed away. This was an acquaintance I went to elementary, junior high, and high school with. I didn't know her well, but I can't help but feeling sadness about someone I knew dying so young. When someone dies so young, its as if they stay that way forever almost like a vampire. She was my age, turning 26 in December as well which makes it even more surreal. Her death is suspected to be a homicide -a tragic ending. It makes me wonder what the future held for her if she lived. I guess those "what if" questions can drive a person crazy.

At the age of 25, I don't have a real grasp of the concept of death since no one close to me has died. My grandparents died when I was very young when I couldn't fully comprehend what was going on. I only remember my mother and aunts mourning for my grandfather, weeping while sharing memories in Tagalog as my dad carried a four year old (me) in his arms trying to be strong, trying to not break into tears as well. With the experience of death, people analyze their lives, wondering if they're living it to the fullest. Reading about her death in the San Gabriel Valley Tribune just made me think that this life is too short. As trite as that sounds, its a feeling that's to be expected. Jolts of "carpe diem" happen and you realize there's too much to accomplish before its all over. Questions like, are you living the life that you want, are you doing what you really want in this lifetime? scan through my brain. I can honestly say that I'm doing the things I love and I'm thankful to have more options than most.

The title of this blog is a Wallflowers song about death. The theme is blatantly morbid, but the lyrics are quite poetic. The story behind the song embodies much of what I've been feeling lately. "The lyrics tell a fragmentary story about a former friend and her death, and the singer's emotions in the aftermath. The use of strong words and images and the incomplete story have resulted in many different interpretations of the song, which include suicide, drug abuse, death of a lover, death of one's mother, and/or depression." (wikipedia)

Jakob Dylan, the lead singer and songwriter of The Wallflowers, has said that the song is about "the death of ideas" and that the many metaphors and images in the lyrics were not meant to be taken literally.

"Nothing is forever" is one line I always listen for. The only constant things in this life would be death and change. I wonder if tragedies such as these happen for a reason. I hope she loved her life. My prayers go out to her and her family. R.I.P. Michele Carson.

A Weekend of Overeating

I have been blessed with a fast metabolism. I pretty much weigh the same since high school, which makes it awfully difficult to gain weight. I know I shouldn't complain, but I still do my best to maintain good fitness and health. I'm pretty sure someday, my metabolism will slow down, and I'll wish I appreciated it more. I have a 24 hour fitness pass, and I try to go 2-3 times a week for yoga, pilates or lately, zumba.

Anyways, all that working out has been irrelevant this past weekend since all I did was eat delicious food. lol.

Saturday: My close friends and I went to our usual spot for dinner, Dumpling Master, located on Hacienda and Newton. They probably have the best fried dumplings I've ever had! It has the perfect crisp and taste with the addition of their soy sauce and red spicey sauce. Their fried rice, and fried Chinese style quesadillas are equally excellent. We then proceeded to Jungle in Yes Plaza which is an arcade/boba place. My friend, Dee, ordered this great chocolate boba drink which tasted exactly like a fudgicle. Those who know me well, know my addiction to all things chocolate so this was great! Good food and good company made for a chill and fun Saturday night.

Sunday: I had a meeting with my co-curators Lyn and Heather (of Pillow Thoughts) at Redondo Beach Cafe on PCH, which is owned by a Greek family. I got lost for about a good half an hour
-_- which is typical for me. I should really invest in a navi. Anyways, they had these amazing sweet potato fries cooked in honey and cinammon. I would have never thought to cook them in honey. I ordered their carrot cake to go since its my mom's favorite. To my surprise, Lyn brought me two dozen chocolate chews from Torrance Bakery. Chocolate chews are like a cookie/brownie hybrid (and they're pictured above). They're probably the best cookies I've ever had! I was very thankful and excited to bring them to my family. Back at Walnut, my family was a having a sort of surprise barbecue for Hector, who is married to my ate Jenn. We're big on celebrating birthdays, but we have never celebrated his until now. We had the usual Filipino food staples - chicken barbecue skewers, lechon with mang thomas sauce, camote tops with vinegar (get those vegetable servings in!), dumpling soup, etc. My mom made instant noodles (dry teriyaki noodles) for some reason as well. She said its a Filipino tradition to make noodles because it blesses the birthday celebrant with a long life. For dessert, there was ube ice cream, ben and jerry's chunky monkey, and java chip ice cream from Starbucks which were good compliments to the chocolate chews.

Monday: I know this is deviating from the title of this blog since it only refers to the weekend, but I guess I'm not finished talking about food. lol. There's this Italian place in Walnut Village called Bella Napoli's, which has the best pizza around. Their chicken pesto pizza is legendary! They're known for their white pizzas, which I'm assuming is mostly mozzzarella with very little red sauce, if any at all. My mom made sinigang for dinner which is this Filipino tamarind-based soup which is comforting on a cold night and also healthy.

Alright, I should start my lesson planning instead of procrastinating. I love delicious food if you can't already tell! I hope you try out any of these places (Dumpling Master, Jungle, Bella Napoli) if you're in the San Gabriel Valley area! =)

Today is the first day...

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life," is what someone said during our introductions. This was the only quote that stood out to me out of the sea of individual blurbs consisting of names, bachelor degrees, graduation dates, content areas, quirky facts, etc. I began the first day of the teacher credential program orientation this morning. We watched a short video about twelve employees at a fish market employing good attitudes towards each other and customers. This same attitude could be applied to teaching – making jobs like play time filled with fun and laughs. Perhaps it is true that your attitude determines your altitude in life. Surely enough, Dr. Ambrosetti managed to scare most of us, or that is the assumption I'm making from the expression on other people’s faces. I was pretty scared of what's to come. Apparently, in October, we're all going to want to quit. It’s nice to anticipate that feeling just to know what to expect, to be as prepared as possible and strong in the midst of obstacles.

It has been a journey to get here, and it really does feel like the first day of my professional life. I know now I truly do want to be a teacher. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives. I want to help them want to learn, and to find what they're passionate about in my classroom - even if it’s something simple like jazz music from the 1920's in U.S. history, or economics because of the stock market crash in 1929. I hope they enjoy learning in my classroom and keep an open mind to multiple perspectives. I will get the privilege to watch them grow, make mistakes, and learn from them for the long run. I'm curious to get to know my future students, their talents, passions, and evolving interests. I have always wanted to do something of service with my life, and I can't think of doing anything better than making a living on being a nerd. lol. In the summer, I’ll still get to pursue things I’m also passionate about like art, curatorial work, and writing. I’m learning that you can love many things, but the difficult part is finding a profession that fuses all of your passions. I think this is it, but who knows. Maybe in October I’ll be saying something different. Wish me luck!

Coming of Age

I can't seem to stop watching the film, (500) Days of Summer. I blame it on my shameless addiction to Joseph Gordon-Levitt, which was catalyzed by my viewing of the movie, Inception, twice. Inception is excellent, and I'd see for a third time.

I really do love this movie about 500 days in man's failed relationship. Its not the typical, formulaic romance/comedy, but a coming of age tale.

"We arrive at a different conclusion, for one thing. Plus, most romantic comedies are more loyal to a formula than to emotional truth. It's about happiness, and learning that you'll find it within yourself, rather than in the big blue eyes of the girl in the cubicle down the hall. I wanted to make an unsentimental movie and an uncynical movie." - director, Marc Webb

I'm single, in a sea of friends and relatives who are already married, or who have already seemed to have picked out their future husbands and wives. I could be cynical about that, but there really is no reason to be. Its easy to assume that finding "the one" could fill that void we feel in ourselves at times, when we don't have those last calls of the day, or texts in between breaks. Its cliche to say "you have to be happy with yourself before you make someone else happy," but its so true, and easier said than done. As much as I know I want to be married and have children someday, I'd rather work on a life I'd want to live for myself, than settle for anything less than the best in terms of companionship. I want that inner happiness before building anything great with someone else. Perhaps I may seem selfish to some extent, but its true. I only hope I can live up to these mottos.

Reflection

Despite all of the malevolent or semi-traumatic things that may occur, I remain the eternal optimist –thankful for so much love in my life, appreciative for all of the support of what I want to do, who I want to be, and devoted to always seeing life experiences in a positive light.

It’s the grand and enriching adventure that I constantly seek out. Its living life, knowing that I have amazing people that surround me who have been there for me through it all –bad, good, ugly, and joyous times. It’s the idea of constantly growing through life experiences and maturing into someone I’ve always wanted to be.

What I have is a rare and keeps me from being jaded and cynical about the world. I really hope that when I’m in my 30s, I can still enjoy life and constantly appreciate the people in it. I know the world can be a fucked up place, but I’d be miserable if I just constantly focused on the negative rather than the positive blessings that come my way.

Perhaps I am someone who is easily amused because I do like everything at first. I appreciate everything and am annoyingly positive sometimes. It’s my thing.

Bottom line is, I love PRIND. There are so many memories we’ve shared, and so many great times to come. We keep it young and fun. We don’t have to do anything big to have a good time because it is indeed the great company that you keep that makes for wonderful memories.

Dream Job

After I graduated college in 2008, I just wanted to work at an art museum. Preferably the Norton Simon Museum in Pasadena. That was the dream. I traded it in for more realistic and stable pursuits, but I don't think I'll ever let this particular dream go.

In dreams begin responsibilities, and I'm still searching for where I belong. I only hope it involves art in some way, some form. The Norton Simon Museum recently had a job opening in their curatorial department of their Southeast Asian and Indian Collections. (!) I applied. Maybe someday I'll be qualified for it. I don't think I have much experience as far as classes, seminars, and research in Southeast Asian art, but its nice to day dream about what could be.

Curatorial - Southeast Asian and Indian collections, Full Time

We seek an experienced and qualified person to oversee and curate the superb Norton Simon Asian collection, one which spans two millennia and which is primarily comprised of sculpture, but also textiles, metalwork, paintings on paper, and decorative arts from the Indian subcontinent, the Himalayas, China, Sri Lanka and Southeast Asia. Responsibilities will include general oversight of this collection's permanent installation, as well as contributing to the temporary exhibition schedule. Duties also involve researching, updating and approving bibliographic and content information for the collection in all media, including audio guide text, web entries, labels, brochures, newsletters, press releases, exhibition catalogues and all other museum publications pertaining to the Asian collection. In consultation with Chief Curator and Conservator, this position will also regularly survey the collection and provide input and recommendations on general status of the condition and display of the objects.

Salary and level within the curatorial structure will be commensurate with academic credentials and prior museum and/or teaching experience. This is a full time position, with full benefits, including medical, dental, vision, life insurance and a pension plan.

Please submit resume or questions by email or post to:

Chief Curator
Norton Simon Museum
411 West Colorado Boulevard, Pasadena, CA 91105-1825
or email to artresume@nortonsimon.org

No telephone inquiries please.

Lost - The End is Near

Before I embark on some major catalog writing for the current curatorial project, "Fractions," I had to do one blog about the television show, Lost. I have followed the television creator, J.J. Abrams, from the shows Felicity to Alias and I have loved them all - Lost being my absolute favorite, hands down. J.J. decided to end Lost at season 6, since the latter shows did kind of drag on. Lost seems to be created by a larger design, as if they already knew what the ending would be when they first began writing the pilot episode.

The final episodes (4 to be exact) are upon us, and I wonder if everything will come together like pieces of a puzzle -six years in the making. Will all of our questions be answered? I'm pretty sad about the end since I only began watching the show during season 4, in 2007-2008 where episodes like "The Constant" defined the heart of the show - fate vs. free will, and of course time travel. I did some major catching up during the summer of 2008, but it would have been great if I discovered it earlier. The end is coming too soon and it still does not feel like enough time to tie all the stories together with a pretty little bow that will satisfy every fan - which is fine since I don't really like bows. If its left open ended, I'd be content with that too.

In the first season, Locke described the game of backgammon holding up a black and white piece to represent the whole premise of the show where dualities would be reflected in people and situations. Earlier episodes have shown that a con man (Sawyer) and a fugitive (Kate) could still have a heart, by acting compassionately toward their fellow survivors of Oceanic Flight 815. A spinal surgeon, (Jack) as talented and resourceful as he is suffers from a controlling god complex, thinking everyone he 'saves' owes him their life. Perhaps the island was a new chance for many of them, to disregard their past life and embrace their fresh, new start.

The best episode of this season (6) was "Ab Aeterno," which is Latin for "from eternity." The phrase is used to mean "since the beginning" or "for long ages." Questions about the mysterious Richard Alpert are answered about his inability to age, and his history. It also showed a second scene between Jacob and the man in black - probably my favorite because as much as they hate each other, they still can be polite and greet each other with "good morning" or "hello." They are respectively and appropriately dressed in black and in white. Its seems to be a civil opposition since they can't seem to kill each other on the spot. Like the game of chess, they can only defeat each other through strategic movements. As much as I wish season 6 episodes were like "Ab Aeterno," each episode showed through flash sideways (since we've already had flashbacks and flashforwards), characters were destined to meet regardless if Ocean flight 815 crashed or not. It was destiny for Claire and Kate to meet, just like it was destiny for Sawyer to meet Kate a second time stating that "it looks like someone is trying to be bring us together," in the last episode, "The Last Recruit."

I've read several theories (not spoilers!) on how the show will end, pointing to Jack, as the Candidate, the one to take Jacob's place as the protector of the island. The last episode made me think that Jack would possibly join the darkside, but then I realized, there could be a rumble, a true showdown between good and evil, the former man of god and the man of science. "Flocke" (Fake Locke) as they have been referring to the "Man in Black"/smoke monster in the blogsphere, may have the power to manipulate Jack just by speaking to him, as he had done with Claire and Sayid, but his powers have yet to work on Sawyer, Kate, or Miles. Perhaps potential candidates are immune to his powers.

This is my theory. If Lost is this huge, eternal chess game, then two individuals would be left to represent the light side and the dark side - the light constantly working to keep the dark from leaving the island. The game would 'reset' and old players and new players will be brought in for another round. As Eloise Hawkins has said in "The Constant," the universe has a way of 'course correcting' itself, so whoever the players are cannot escape their fate. It certainly feels like the Lost candidates never really had free will in the first place if everything they did was contigent upon a chance meeting and touch by Jacob. I hope they explain the implications of Jacob's touch, besides the explanation that it makes them candidates.


The cliffside cave earlier this season revealed potential candidates to take Jacob's place and protect the island:
8 - Reyes
15 - Ford
16 - Jarrah
23 - Shephard
42 - Kwon

I have this strange feeling that they might all end up staying on the island, because what kind of life will they really return to if so much of their fate was devoted to this mystical and magical place? Jack couldn't seem to leave in the last episode showing how the former "man of science," has evolved into someone that believes in fate and destiny. Perhaps some of them will feel the desire to protect this place as Jacob had.

Do you have any thoughts or theories? No spoilers please, since I'm anti-spoilage. Just your personal thoughts and theories. Post them here. :)