One Headlight

Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees- "One Headlight," The Wallflowers

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' accidental like on breeze." Maybe its both?" - Forrest Gump

This past week, I had found out that one of my former classmates had passed away. This was an acquaintance I went to elementary, junior high, and high school with. I didn't know her well, but I can't help but feeling sadness about someone I knew dying so young. When someone dies so young, its as if they stay that way forever almost like a vampire. She was my age, turning 26 in December as well which makes it even more surreal. Her death is suspected to be a homicide -a tragic ending. It makes me wonder what the future held for her if she lived. I guess those "what if" questions can drive a person crazy.

At the age of 25, I don't have a real grasp of the concept of death since no one close to me has died. My grandparents died when I was very young when I couldn't fully comprehend what was going on. I only remember my mother and aunts mourning for my grandfather, weeping while sharing memories in Tagalog as my dad carried a four year old (me) in his arms trying to be strong, trying to not break into tears as well. With the experience of death, people analyze their lives, wondering if they're living it to the fullest. Reading about her death in the San Gabriel Valley Tribune just made me think that this life is too short. As trite as that sounds, its a feeling that's to be expected. Jolts of "carpe diem" happen and you realize there's too much to accomplish before its all over. Questions like, are you living the life that you want, are you doing what you really want in this lifetime? scan through my brain. I can honestly say that I'm doing the things I love and I'm thankful to have more options than most.

The title of this blog is a Wallflowers song about death. The theme is blatantly morbid, but the lyrics are quite poetic. The story behind the song embodies much of what I've been feeling lately. "The lyrics tell a fragmentary story about a former friend and her death, and the singer's emotions in the aftermath. The use of strong words and images and the incomplete story have resulted in many different interpretations of the song, which include suicide, drug abuse, death of a lover, death of one's mother, and/or depression." (wikipedia)

Jakob Dylan, the lead singer and songwriter of The Wallflowers, has said that the song is about "the death of ideas" and that the many metaphors and images in the lyrics were not meant to be taken literally.

"Nothing is forever" is one line I always listen for. The only constant things in this life would be death and change. I wonder if tragedies such as these happen for a reason. I hope she loved her life. My prayers go out to her and her family. R.I.P. Michele Carson.