9 Months Later....

"I may not change the world, but I guarantee I will spark the brain, that will change the world." -Tupac Shakur

I know its quite an unmanageable task to sum up the last nine months in one post, so I'll take on an easier feat of describing where I am in life, at this moment. After receiving my single subject credential in social science, I quickly began looking for a job for the following three months after student teaching ended. Edjoin appeared to be bleak despite the several posts for social science teachers. As a new teacher, its clear that I am at the bottom of the barrel behind teachers that have been laid off, and long term substitutes trying to get a foothold in the districts. I had known that this was going to happen even before I entered the credential program. New teachers had a better chance of getting a job if they moved out of state, or were willing to move to different parts of California period. Its tough out there, but I'm not one to lose hope or optimism. Everything happens for a reason it seems even if we may not know what it is right then and there. I made the committed decision to apply for my masters in secondary education, feeling as if I had not learned enough for the credential program. I needed to know more about what it meant to be a better teacher, since I was such a newbie at all of this. Plus I love learning, and I love research, especially if its about my students and my content area.

At the moment, I'm taking two grad classes -504 Advanced Proficiency in Technology, and 591 Seminar in Secondary Education. I am barely staying afloat with all of the reading. I really need to stop procrastinating on assignments, and get serious - the kind of serious I used to be while I was in the credential program. I suppose I feel a bit strange not having a class to teach anymore. It must be some kind of empty nest syndrome. I truly miss my students from last year. Some assignments for my grad classes require data taken from the entire class, but its not necessary to have your own class. You can use data from student teaching. I began looking at my old binder with seating charts, and started to feel really nostalgic. I missed being there, everyday, even if some days were struggles they were my struggles, and the next day would be a clean slate. That's probably what I love about teaching. Even though some things could never be erased or forgotten, you can always start the next day with a different approach for student progress.

"Nine tenths of education is encouragement." - Anatole France

Resolutions

February is in less than 24 hours, so I figure it may not be too late to post up my New Year's Resolutions. :)


1. Save money!
2. Excercise more! -Yoga, pilates, zumba, hiking 2-3 times a week.
3. Cook and bake more -Filipino, Italian, Southern, Mexican
4. Be more organized -re-model room, paint walls, organize closet, re-do carpet
5. Don't procastinate. Focus on the credential program. Focus on career!


Its crazy to think that in less than 5 months, assuming I survive, I'll receive my teaching credential. From now until then, I hope to be the best teacher and best person I could possibly be for my students. Here's to learning, loving, and teaching. :)

One Headlight

Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees- "One Headlight," The Wallflowers

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' accidental like on breeze." Maybe its both?" - Forrest Gump

This past week, I had found out that one of my former classmates had passed away. This was an acquaintance I went to elementary, junior high, and high school with. I didn't know her well, but I can't help but feeling sadness about someone I knew dying so young. When someone dies so young, its as if they stay that way forever almost like a vampire. She was my age, turning 26 in December as well which makes it even more surreal. Her death is suspected to be a homicide -a tragic ending. It makes me wonder what the future held for her if she lived. I guess those "what if" questions can drive a person crazy.

At the age of 25, I don't have a real grasp of the concept of death since no one close to me has died. My grandparents died when I was very young when I couldn't fully comprehend what was going on. I only remember my mother and aunts mourning for my grandfather, weeping while sharing memories in Tagalog as my dad carried a four year old (me) in his arms trying to be strong, trying to not break into tears as well. With the experience of death, people analyze their lives, wondering if they're living it to the fullest. Reading about her death in the San Gabriel Valley Tribune just made me think that this life is too short. As trite as that sounds, its a feeling that's to be expected. Jolts of "carpe diem" happen and you realize there's too much to accomplish before its all over. Questions like, are you living the life that you want, are you doing what you really want in this lifetime? scan through my brain. I can honestly say that I'm doing the things I love and I'm thankful to have more options than most.

The title of this blog is a Wallflowers song about death. The theme is blatantly morbid, but the lyrics are quite poetic. The story behind the song embodies much of what I've been feeling lately. "The lyrics tell a fragmentary story about a former friend and her death, and the singer's emotions in the aftermath. The use of strong words and images and the incomplete story have resulted in many different interpretations of the song, which include suicide, drug abuse, death of a lover, death of one's mother, and/or depression." (wikipedia)

Jakob Dylan, the lead singer and songwriter of The Wallflowers, has said that the song is about "the death of ideas" and that the many metaphors and images in the lyrics were not meant to be taken literally.

"Nothing is forever" is one line I always listen for. The only constant things in this life would be death and change. I wonder if tragedies such as these happen for a reason. I hope she loved her life. My prayers go out to her and her family. R.I.P. Michele Carson.

A Weekend of Overeating

I have been blessed with a fast metabolism. I pretty much weigh the same since high school, which makes it awfully difficult to gain weight. I know I shouldn't complain, but I still do my best to maintain good fitness and health. I'm pretty sure someday, my metabolism will slow down, and I'll wish I appreciated it more. I have a 24 hour fitness pass, and I try to go 2-3 times a week for yoga, pilates or lately, zumba.

Anyways, all that working out has been irrelevant this past weekend since all I did was eat delicious food. lol.

Saturday: My close friends and I went to our usual spot for dinner, Dumpling Master, located on Hacienda and Newton. They probably have the best fried dumplings I've ever had! It has the perfect crisp and taste with the addition of their soy sauce and red spicey sauce. Their fried rice, and fried Chinese style quesadillas are equally excellent. We then proceeded to Jungle in Yes Plaza which is an arcade/boba place. My friend, Dee, ordered this great chocolate boba drink which tasted exactly like a fudgicle. Those who know me well, know my addiction to all things chocolate so this was great! Good food and good company made for a chill and fun Saturday night.

Sunday: I had a meeting with my co-curators Lyn and Heather (of Pillow Thoughts) at Redondo Beach Cafe on PCH, which is owned by a Greek family. I got lost for about a good half an hour
-_- which is typical for me. I should really invest in a navi. Anyways, they had these amazing sweet potato fries cooked in honey and cinammon. I would have never thought to cook them in honey. I ordered their carrot cake to go since its my mom's favorite. To my surprise, Lyn brought me two dozen chocolate chews from Torrance Bakery. Chocolate chews are like a cookie/brownie hybrid (and they're pictured above). They're probably the best cookies I've ever had! I was very thankful and excited to bring them to my family. Back at Walnut, my family was a having a sort of surprise barbecue for Hector, who is married to my ate Jenn. We're big on celebrating birthdays, but we have never celebrated his until now. We had the usual Filipino food staples - chicken barbecue skewers, lechon with mang thomas sauce, camote tops with vinegar (get those vegetable servings in!), dumpling soup, etc. My mom made instant noodles (dry teriyaki noodles) for some reason as well. She said its a Filipino tradition to make noodles because it blesses the birthday celebrant with a long life. For dessert, there was ube ice cream, ben and jerry's chunky monkey, and java chip ice cream from Starbucks which were good compliments to the chocolate chews.

Monday: I know this is deviating from the title of this blog since it only refers to the weekend, but I guess I'm not finished talking about food. lol. There's this Italian place in Walnut Village called Bella Napoli's, which has the best pizza around. Their chicken pesto pizza is legendary! They're known for their white pizzas, which I'm assuming is mostly mozzzarella with very little red sauce, if any at all. My mom made sinigang for dinner which is this Filipino tamarind-based soup which is comforting on a cold night and also healthy.

Alright, I should start my lesson planning instead of procrastinating. I love delicious food if you can't already tell! I hope you try out any of these places (Dumpling Master, Jungle, Bella Napoli) if you're in the San Gabriel Valley area! =)

Today is the first day...

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life," is what someone said during our introductions. This was the only quote that stood out to me out of the sea of individual blurbs consisting of names, bachelor degrees, graduation dates, content areas, quirky facts, etc. I began the first day of the teacher credential program orientation this morning. We watched a short video about twelve employees at a fish market employing good attitudes towards each other and customers. This same attitude could be applied to teaching – making jobs like play time filled with fun and laughs. Perhaps it is true that your attitude determines your altitude in life. Surely enough, Dr. Ambrosetti managed to scare most of us, or that is the assumption I'm making from the expression on other people’s faces. I was pretty scared of what's to come. Apparently, in October, we're all going to want to quit. It’s nice to anticipate that feeling just to know what to expect, to be as prepared as possible and strong in the midst of obstacles.

It has been a journey to get here, and it really does feel like the first day of my professional life. I know now I truly do want to be a teacher. I want to make a positive difference in people's lives. I want to help them want to learn, and to find what they're passionate about in my classroom - even if it’s something simple like jazz music from the 1920's in U.S. history, or economics because of the stock market crash in 1929. I hope they enjoy learning in my classroom and keep an open mind to multiple perspectives. I will get the privilege to watch them grow, make mistakes, and learn from them for the long run. I'm curious to get to know my future students, their talents, passions, and evolving interests. I have always wanted to do something of service with my life, and I can't think of doing anything better than making a living on being a nerd. lol. In the summer, I’ll still get to pursue things I’m also passionate about like art, curatorial work, and writing. I’m learning that you can love many things, but the difficult part is finding a profession that fuses all of your passions. I think this is it, but who knows. Maybe in October I’ll be saying something different. Wish me luck!

Coming of Age

I can't seem to stop watching the film, (500) Days of Summer. I blame it on my shameless addiction to Joseph Gordon-Levitt, which was catalyzed by my viewing of the movie, Inception, twice. Inception is excellent, and I'd see for a third time.

I really do love this movie about 500 days in man's failed relationship. Its not the typical, formulaic romance/comedy, but a coming of age tale.

"We arrive at a different conclusion, for one thing. Plus, most romantic comedies are more loyal to a formula than to emotional truth. It's about happiness, and learning that you'll find it within yourself, rather than in the big blue eyes of the girl in the cubicle down the hall. I wanted to make an unsentimental movie and an uncynical movie." - director, Marc Webb

I'm single, in a sea of friends and relatives who are already married, or who have already seemed to have picked out their future husbands and wives. I could be cynical about that, but there really is no reason to be. Its easy to assume that finding "the one" could fill that void we feel in ourselves at times, when we don't have those last calls of the day, or texts in between breaks. Its cliche to say "you have to be happy with yourself before you make someone else happy," but its so true, and easier said than done. As much as I know I want to be married and have children someday, I'd rather work on a life I'd want to live for myself, than settle for anything less than the best in terms of companionship. I want that inner happiness before building anything great with someone else. Perhaps I may seem selfish to some extent, but its true. I only hope I can live up to these mottos.

Reflection

Despite all of the malevolent or semi-traumatic things that may occur, I remain the eternal optimist –thankful for so much love in my life, appreciative for all of the support of what I want to do, who I want to be, and devoted to always seeing life experiences in a positive light.

It’s the grand and enriching adventure that I constantly seek out. Its living life, knowing that I have amazing people that surround me who have been there for me through it all –bad, good, ugly, and joyous times. It’s the idea of constantly growing through life experiences and maturing into someone I’ve always wanted to be.

What I have is a rare and keeps me from being jaded and cynical about the world. I really hope that when I’m in my 30s, I can still enjoy life and constantly appreciate the people in it. I know the world can be a fucked up place, but I’d be miserable if I just constantly focused on the negative rather than the positive blessings that come my way.

Perhaps I am someone who is easily amused because I do like everything at first. I appreciate everything and am annoyingly positive sometimes. It’s my thing.

Bottom line is, I love PRIND. There are so many memories we’ve shared, and so many great times to come. We keep it young and fun. We don’t have to do anything big to have a good time because it is indeed the great company that you keep that makes for wonderful memories.